jalléCafe

Moments of wonder

On a coffee pause between packing to move. I sit here in dismayed wonder.

As I sorted through my main drawers - and even after I thought I'd already recycled away so many old things - I've had repeated "what the h- was I thinking?" moments.

For example, spread before me are eight remote controls, five mouses of various connection types, a Compaq Presario laptop that weighs more than if you stacked five of my current laptops together, and the instructions for every mobile phone I've owned since 1995.

So much useless stuff kept because of clinging to the fear of being wasteful if I tossed it!

From now on I have a Jill's Rule About Stuff: Before something goes in a drawer, something else must be pulled out and tossed. Get over it, as a guy told me yesterday that his boss advised him about an ex-girlfriend. Move forward for heaven's sake.

I think it is possible that old stuff and ex-girl/boyfriends have a lot in common. ;)

Alternative life strategy

Most days, I love owning a business & the whole life that comes with it. But this specific one started with a three hour Internet outage (telephone company problem). On a Monday!

As I sit here finally at lunch at 3pm, I'm asking myself why I couldn't have just taken the life strategy of marrying a rich man who would bankroll me into a nice little retail store where I could sit every day, chat over coffee, and make something simple and pretty like, say, earrings?!

No doubt I'd get restless and then try to grow it internationally & end up flying all over the world looking for design ideas.

So I guess I will stick with this crazy idea and entrepreneur life strategy I've already started.

But first I will surely scowl and moan a little. And thankfully, eat!!

When I am 50

I'm cleaning out boxes to move. (Eight years of stuff is NOT coming with me!) Found a journal from exactly 10 years ago.  The start of my career change.

Ken, who I met at the Center for Creative Leadership, had sent me this image saying that he could picture me just like this when I was 50.  I liked it, kept it. Made a dream list from it.  (I'm just the kind of person to keep such lists.)

Glad I found it now, when there is still time to remind me who I wanted to become. No, I'm not 50 yet!!!  The key points, condensed:

When I am 50...

• I live creatively, enthusiastically and with healthy humor.

• I approach life's challenges directly with calm strength, courage. I trust my intuition. I have gained maturity.

• I am an entrepreneur & a writer who helps people and their ideas grow.

• I love a man with depth, passion and a common sense of purpose.

• I contribute to the community in which I live.

• I live actively  in mind, body and spirit.

• I live simply and appreciatively in the moment.

• I have followed my own voice with the crazy enthusiastic ("god heard from within") ideas.

I didn't think I was any of those things back then, which is why I wrote the list.  I needed to change. And this woman to me looked like she was someone I would respect and be proud of. It gave me courage to look to her as a symbol. 

I cannot say I've fulfilled all of these desires, but I can say I've tried. I think it mattered that I wrote and dreamed.

Plus, someone I met thought to send me this image. And inspired me to see something new in my potential in that moment. (And yes, I'm a woman, of course he could have had a lot of motives...smile.) Yet I think I will start sending images as inspiration boosters, too.  You never know when it may really make a difference.

 

The price of sitting in Italy

I liked Coronas Cafe in Florence so well that I went twice.  Once for gelati and coffee. Then just for a quick Italian-style espresso standing at the coffee bar.

Was surrounded by Italians.  Everyone from handworkers to business men taking a break.

Didn't understand a word, but totally caught the spirit.

 Later I was so tired, I just needed to rest. So decided on another coffee, this time in the first trendy looking place I spotted, B. Gallo.  The sitting was great. Coffee OK.  Price?  4x the Italian coffee bar! 

And not an Italian (other than the waiter) in sight...

 

 

 

A diving board moment

Over lunch one day this week, I explained to a friend -- a wonderful, beautiful French woman who no girl from Ohio could ever match in allure, especially when she brings her little white dog in a quilted bag,  at which point she is exactly as I imagine all such women from Paris and I totally enjoy it every time -- that I had a "diving board moment" on Wednesday.

This means that I needed to take the next little step on something, but it felt like a huge step off of a high dive.  A free fall, not knowing exactly how it will feel when I hit the water. 

Felt this more than a few times: when quitting a job, taking a job, changing countries, starting a business.  I know that at some point, I need to stop thinking and just do it.

So, I literally said to myself, "Jill just sign the d-d! contracts!"  And pushed myself to the step of signing, mailing, transferring the deposit with a purposefully blanked mind.  Finished!

In three weeks, I'll have a new place to live, a change of lifestyle and Zurich neighborhood, a new view after eight years in the same place.

The free fall actually feels great at the moment. Although sadly I don't think there's a chance I will learn French!